I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
