that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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