So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
