Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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