I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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