Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
this hospital has no fireball
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
