There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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