Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
