Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
