I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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