People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
