I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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