I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
