So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
