well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
