No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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