take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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