that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
