Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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