Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
