dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
