No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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