A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
