He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
