do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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