ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
