Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
