If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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