then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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