He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
