Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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