he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
