I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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