You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
