We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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