Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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