Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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