That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
