i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
