this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
