You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
