i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
