It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
