I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
