i was born a porn star she said
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
