Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
