i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
