Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
