So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
