i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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