dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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